Viv’s Christmas Letter
My Name Is Viv Prior, But you can call me n00b.
I’ve been a good boy this year because I have helped numerous old ladies cross the road and also done the washing up a couple of times. I have also completed many other clichés of what is deemed to be good and helpful in modern day society.
This is what I would like for Christmas:
1) I would like a Patagonia Winter Sun Jacket, because it looks cooler than a snowman in a freezer and is warmer than satan’s underpants.
2) And I would like Divine Chocolate Coins, because I would like to feel like Prince John in Disney’s version of Robinhood and be surrounded by lots and lots of gold coins. I like this film muchly.
3) And I would like a larger version of the Little Green Radicals’ “Give Peas a Chance” hoodie. Why is it that all the cool clothes are made for toddlers?
Oh and Just One More Thing…
If I could have one wish this Christmas it would be To regress to being a three year old. Apart from the occasional toilet accident there really isn’t much wrong with being of an age of innocence, unlimited play and ice cream sandwiches.
And to listen to my favourite song, which is Band Aid, Do They Know its Christmas.
When You Come to Visit
The best way to get to my house is by using a Garmin Eco Route Sat Nav or alternatively aim for Wales and stop just before you get there. Its the house with the same Christmas tree as the past 10 years, dug up again from the end of the garden covered with the decorations I made as a child. Tat-tastic
But Make Sure You’re Careful Of the gravy at Christmas, Mum’s never been any good at making it. Icing sugar is not a valid substitute for cornflour.
And I’ll leave Rudolph some humus, all reindeer’s love humus.
With Lots of Love
From Viv, eco-hippie extraordinaire x
P.S. If you see my sunglasses when you visit Uganda could you please bring them back, they are near a road side cafe on the way to the big waterfall. Thanks!